Resilience Factor Seven Essential Skills for Overcoming Life's Inevitable Strength

Part ONE The Commitment to Change Chapter one Resilience Matters To the casual observer, Robert was living the American dream. Through hard work and a measure of serendipity, he had moved through the ranks of a Fortune 1000 company. He and his wife, Jeannie, had just celebrated twenty good years together. They lived in a modest but tasteful home in a leafy suburb of Philadelphia, and in a few short years of mortgage payments the house would be theirs, free and clear. Robert and Jeannie's three children, ages seventeen, fifteen, and nine, had always been a source of great joy. But lately for Robert, the dream had faded. His nine-year-old son had struggled in school since the first grade, and six months ago his academic difficulties were given a label--attention deficit disorder. His vivacious and expressive fifteen-year-old daughter had been replaced by a brooding, rebellious stranger. Once her greatest confidant, Robert found himself relegated to moody yes or no responses, on the increasingly rare occasions when she was home. Robert's job and his marriage had been the two linchpins in his life, but neither provided the spark it once did. He had devoted fifteen years to his company, but his career had plateaued in the last few years, and the promotional path was no longer clear. With the recent rumors of downsizing, Robert became increasingly anxious about his family's financial future. Three college tuition bills lay ahead, and little money had been invested for retirement. And then there was his marriage. Robert and Jeannie had always been close, but between the demands of work and the kids they rarely got any time alone. At age forty-seven, Robert was ill-prepared to manage the adversities in his life, as routine or commonplace as they may seem. Somehow, somewhere, Robert had lost his way. The parts of his life that had once given him such fulfillment now left him feeling empty. What Is Your "Bottom Line"? Which aspects of Robert's situation resonate most strongly with you? What in your life do you most wish to change? Do you want to increase your productivity at work? Is it that your relationships with family or friends are not as rich and fulfilling as you would like? Do you need help balancing work and home? What is it that led you to pick up this book? Whatever you are seeking, you are almost certainly not alone. A majority of people worry about their future prosperity and happiness.2 As a culture we are searching for ways not only to improve our lives but to "supersize" them. We are searching zealously and we are searching en masse. Most of us can identify with one aspect or another of Robert's disappointments. You might be failing to actualize your career potential and are struggling to understand why. It's unlikely that the problem is lack of commitment; Americans already work the longest week in the world, and the United States is the only industrialized country in which work hours are increasing. Perhaps you want to increase your intimacy at home. As we work harder and longer, we spend less time nurturing the relationships that matter to us most. It's not that we're avoiding intimacy with our partners and our children. In fact, we're seeking it frantically. John Gray's relationship guide Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus sold over 7 million copies in the United States alone.3 His newspaper column attracted 30 million readers weekly. And still we search for an answer. For many of you the impetus is more personal. You may be looking to end that nagging anxiety that keeps you awake at 3:00 a.m., or you're wrestling with an addiction. Perhaps recent world events, like terrorism and war, have shaken your sense of security and control. You may have experienced bouts of depression that left you unmotivated and disconnected. You are not alone. At any one time, more than 20 million Americans attend self-help support groups, for eveReivich, Karen is the author of 'Resilience Factor Seven Essential Skills for Overcoming Life's Inevitable Strength', published 2002 under ISBN 9780767911900 and ISBN 0767911903.