Parent Effectiveness Training The Proven Program for Raising Responsible Children

P.E.T. will be described in terms familiar to everyone, not in technical jargon. Some parents may find themselves initially disagreeing with some of these concepts, but very few will find themselves not understanding them. Since readers will not be able to express their concerns face-to-face with an instructor, here are some questions and answers that may be helpful at the start. question: Is this another permissive approach to raising children? answer: Definitely not. Permissive parents get into as much trouble as overly strict parents, for their kids often turn out to be selfish, unmanageable, uncooperative, and inconsiderate of the needs of their parents. question: Can one parent use this new approach effectively if the other sticks to the old approach? answer: Yes and no. If only one parent starts to use this new approach, there will be a definite improvement in the relationship between that parent and the children. But the relationship between the other parent and the children may get worse. Far better then, for both parents to learn the new methods. Furthermore, when both parents try to learn this new approach together, they can help each other a great deal. question: Will parents lose their influence over the children with this new approach? Will they abdicate the responsibility to give guidance and direction to their childrens' lives? answer: As parents read the first chapters, they may get this impression. A book can only present a system step by step. The early chapters deal with ways to help children find their own solutions to problems they encounter. In these situations, the role of an effective parent will seem different--much more passive or "nondirective" than parents are accustomed to. Later chapters, however, deal with how to modify unacceptable behavior of children and how to influence them to be considerate of your needs as parents. In these situations, you will be shown specific ways of being an even more responsible parent--acquiring even more influence than you have now. It might be helpful to check the Table of Contents for the subjects covered in later chapters. This book teaches parents a rather easy-to-learn method of encouraging kids to accept responsibility for finding their own solutions to their own problems, and illustrates how parents can put that method to work right away in the home. Parents who learn this method (called Active Listening) may experience what P.E.T.-trained parents have described: "It's such a relief not to think I have to have all the answers to my children's problems." "P.E.T. has made me have a much greater appreciation of the capacities of my children for solving their own problems." "I was amazed at how the Active Listening method worked. My kids come up with solutions to their problems that are often far better than any I could have given them." "I guess I've always been very uncomfortable about playing the role of God--feeling that I should be knowing what my kids should do when they have problems." Today, thousands of adolescents have fired their parents, and for good reason as far as the kids are concerned. "My mom doesn't understand kids my age." "I just hate to go home and get lectured to every night." "I never tell my parents anything; if I did they wouldn't understand." "I wish my dad would get off my back." "As soon as I can, I'm going to leave home--I can't stand their constantly hassling me about everything." The parents of these kids are usually well aware of having lost their jobs, as evidenced by these statements made in our P.E.T. classes: "I have absolutely no more influence over my sixteen-year-old boy." "We've given up with Annie." [read more]