Here Speeching American A Very Strange Guide to English As It Is Garbled Around the World

Chapter 1 Air Travel Your trip abroad often begins before you set foot in your destination country. We are speaking, of course, of foreign airlines. What better way to immediately get to know the people and the culture, and to get a glimpse of the fun times you'll soon be having, than flying on your host country's national carrier? The first impression you'll get of the country you'll be visiting is from your flight crew. They are carefully selected to be the perfect ambassadors. Duck feet? You're out. Pigeon toes? Out! Bowlegs, pimples, warts, moles, dark skin, scars, bad breath? Out! . . . [And] they must be virgins. Hao Yu-ping, director of flight attendant school at China Air, describing the airline's requirements for flight attendants The stewardesses of Southwest Airlines must go through four steps, such as hardship, tiredment, dirt feeling. Beside the quality of general stewardess. from the first edition of Chinese airline Southwest Civil Aviation's Inflight Magazing [sic] And they're trained to give you exceptionaleven exoticservice. Sir would you like some sauce on your balls? Singapore Airlines stewardess, quoted in Singapore newspaper The crew will want to make your flight as comfortable and safe as possible, so read the helpful material in the seat pocketand be assured of a relaxing, worry-free trip. Bags to be use in case of sickness of to gather remains. slogan on a Spanish airline's airsickness bag And an itch-free trip too! Dear Passenger, Wish you have a joyful journey! When you are in public talking and laughing and drinking and singing . . . living a happy life, suddenly you feel some part of your body is too itchy to endure. How embarrassed! Please dial fax 01-491-0253, you will gain an unexpected result. Air China brochure You may want to read the specifics of your flight for further reassurance. International Fright Information airline timetable, China Airlines in-flight magazine Maximum cruising fright level in-flight magazine, China Eastern Airlines So settle back and dip into that in-flight magazine. What a wonderful way to begin your vacation! Enjoy French odor in the South Pacific. from a French airline (UTA) and government of New Caledonia ad We'd like to offer our affection as a gift by the white bird on sky to every genuinely go the same may together with you. This is our only requite to you. dedication, Xiamen Airlines in-flight magazine, China Take this opportunity to read about the sights you'll soon be be seeing. Situated in the monsoon tropical zone, though the year covered with luxuriant vegetations, the land of Dai La by the Red River is "printed the forms of sitting tiger and winding dragon. . . . looking all over Vietnamese country, that's land of scenic beauty, an important metropolistes indeed for four directions to gatter and the first rank of city merined to be regarded as Capital forever." in-flight magazine, Vietnam Incest sticks hang from the ceil- ing of a Taoist temple. Morning Calm, in-flight magazine, Korean Air What an informative and exotic learning experience! And get ready for an exotic eating experience too! We're not talking little foil packets of Planters Peanuts . . . Fduhy Sesane China Airlines (CAAC) snack food We will now be serving snakes. Singapore Airlines stewardess, quoted in Singapore newspaper Near the end of the flight, you'll often be handed an immigration card. It's times like these you may find yourself wishing you'd paid mPetras, Kathryn is the author of 'Here Speeching American A Very Strange Guide to English As It Is Garbled Around the World', published 2004 under ISBN 9780812973150 and ISBN 0812973151.