Faith for Beginners

Chapter One A LIST OF PLANTS THAT GROW OUT OF THE WAILING WALL 1.HENBANE, or "SHIKARON" ("intoxication" in Hebrew). When ingested, induces a state of deep, colorful hallucination and finally a very pleasant death. Most common plant in the Wall. 2.PODOSNOMA. Roots can crack rocks to draw out water. 3.SICILIAN SNAPDRAGON. Prefers high altitudes. 4.HORSETAIL KNOTGRASS. Antidote for snakebite and the evil eye. 5.THORNY CAPER. Makes an excellent marinade for roast chicken. 6.PHAGNALON. Small and shy. It was an intolerably hot morning near the end of June. A mother, father, and son named Michaelson floated on a cruise ship off the coast of Haifa, along with the other 251 members of the Millennium Marathon 2000. As they approached the harbor, their ship was briefly turned back by a black military helicopter, chartered to reenact the drama of Holocaust refugees sneaking into Palestine during the British Mandate. The Michiganders offered a light round of confused applause, and as if by command, the helicopter instantly swirled away. Sweaty, bleary-eyed, and a bit deaf from the chopping of the helicopter, the Michaelsons collected their luggage and duty-free bags and streamed down the gangplanks with the other Michiganders. Aliza, the rabbinic intern, tried unsuccessfully to lead their group in a chorus of "Jerusalem of Gold." Her lavender song sheets fluttered down the side of the boat into the murky green water of the harbor. On dry land, they received commemorative T-shirts with a handprint-shaped outline of their state and the message "THE Millennium Marathon 2000! What's good for the goose is even better for the Michigander!" "Isn't that a riot?" said Mrs. Michaelson, fifty-eight years old and often called handsome. She held a shirt up to the chest of her bored-looking son, who clearly did not think it was a riot. Her husband, busy emptying his nose into a hankie, had no opinion. And to tell the truth, Mrs. Michaelson herself didn't think it was a riot either. She was distracted by the heat as well as the realization that this was the first time she had ever set foot in Asia. Before she could explore the continent further, their group was confronted by three air-conditioned buses, two unlicensed Russian photographers, who were chased away by the police, and one rabbi. His name was Rabbi Sherman, but he encouraged them to call him Rabbi Rick. He looked younger than Mrs. Michaelson had expectedthough actually in his forties, he could have passed for thirty-fiveand more attractive than any rabbi had a right to be. He was also unusually hairy. The top of his head, his arms, his hands, the back of his neck, and even his feet, peeking through the gaps in his brown leather sandals, were all covered in black wool. Rabbi Sherman, riding in the first bus of their caravan, led them to their hotel, which boasted a commanding view of the harbor. Mrs. Michaelson took it in alone on the terrace after dinner. A sultry breeze blew in from the purple water of Haifa harbor, where the crescent moon was reflected as a series of white dashes on the waves. Within minutes, her dress was sticking to the skin under her arms and along the neckline. Clutching an empty wineglass, Mrs. Michaelson closed her eyes and imagined she was having a religious moment. A trickle of sweat inched its way down between her breasts; a mosquito tickled her ear. "It's so late. . . ." she murmured. A high, sharp voice, like a seagull, cried out, "Who's there?" Someone moved in the shadows. Mrs. Michaelson made out theHamburger, Aaron is the author of 'Faith for Beginners' with ISBN 9781400062980 and ISBN 1400062985.