Complete Book of International Adoption A Step by Step Guide to Finding Your Child

Chapter 1 Is International Adoption Right for You? Where DO Babies Come From? After three doctors, two surgeries, and three failed in vitro fertilizations, Elizabeth and John were running short of time, money, and patience. John in particular was tired of the infertility merry-go-round and their life being defined by infertility. He felt their money and energy would be better spent on a surer bet. Elizabeth wasn't ready to give up her dream. "The tension between us was building and I knew our relationship needed a break from infertility, but it was still something I had to process at my own speed," she recalls. After six more months of talking and continued treatments, Elizabeth began to get excited about the possibility of becoming a mom even if she couldn't become pregnant. Elizabeth and John are now the proud parents of Emily and Lia, both adopted from China as babies. "I truly wonder now why we didn't do this much sooner," says Elizabeth. "I couldn't possibly love them more or feel more like a mom if they had been born to me." People come to adoption from many different places. Single women adopt when they want to be a mom, but haven't found the elusive Mr. Right and think a sperm bank is silly when kids are already out there who need a mom. A growing number of couples with one or two kids consider adoption because there are kids who need homes and they believe they could be just that home. Many people, however, turn to adoption because biology failed them. We are a "pull yourself up by the boots traps" nation; anything can be conquered with grit, determination, and money. Not so infertility. What was supposed to be as simple as buying a bottle of wine, lighting the candles, and ditching the condoms becomes a medical ordeal that sometimes no amount of money or perseverance can overcome. Some couples caught up on the medical treadmill that is infertility are so focused on get ting a child that they jump immediately on to the adoption treadmill. It is important to slow down and give yourself time to grieve the losses of infertility before you assume that adoption is the right path to parenthood for you. Parenting through adoption is different from parenting through birthnot worse, not second best, just different. Your child, regardless of how she joins your family, deserves parents who want her for who she is, not because she is all they can get. Take the time to make sure you are that parent. Is Adoption for You? Answer the following questions honestly. No one is going to see your answers, so forget about political correctness and answer how you really feel. 1. Do you spend time imagining the child of your dreamsthe perfect (or not so perfect) combination of you and your spouse's genes? ___ Frequently ___ Sometimes ___ Seldom 2. Do you long to be pregnant or see your spouse pregnant? ___ Frequently ___ Sometimes ___ Seldom 3. Does it bother you that future generations of your family will not be related by blood to you and your ancestors? ___ Frequently ___ Sometimes ___ Seldom 4. Does it hurt you to see a pregnant woman or nursing mother? ___ Frequently ___ Sometimes ___ Seldom 5. Do you find it hard to talk about your infertility without crying or intense emotions, or do you avoid talking about your infertility at all? ___ Frequently ___ Sometimes ___ Seldom 6. Are you furious at God for afflicting you with infertility? (Why not boils or locusts, for goodness' sakes!) ___ Frequently ___ Sometimes ___ Seldom 7. Do you feel like you are less of a woman or man because you can't biologically have a child? ___ Frequently ___ Sometimes ___ Seldom 8. Do you feel pressured to hurry up anDavenport, Dawn is the author of 'Complete Book of International Adoption A Step by Step Guide to Finding Your Child', published 2006 under ISBN 9780767925204 and ISBN 0767925203.